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An Al-Anon Group Is an Al‑Anon Group—Even Online I wasn’t sure what bothered me about electronic Al‑Anon groups when I first started attending them. They were new and different to me, and with my camera off and a made-up name, I could be completely invisible. I could drop in and out when I felt like it, without considering any disruption I might cause or sharing in the responsibility of serving the group. This made me vaguely uncomfortable, but the convenience…

Courage to Heal I imagined a bandage covering an open wound: the alcoholism of someone else and its effects on my life. I covered it carefully, hiding it from everyone around me because I did not want to reveal its cause. Over time, and with the help of Al‑Anon, I realized that only after I was willing to remove the bandage, look at the wound, and openly discuss it with others who also tended to hide their wounds, would I…

I Didn’t Want to Look at Myself When I look back at my past decisions, I can honestly say that I spent more time trying to fix others than working on myself. I probably did this because I didn’t want to look at my defects. I didn’t know I had any. Maybe it was denial that helped me cope. I deflected. In my childhood, feelings weren’t discussed, and self-reflection wasn’t a part of life. You just “got by.” Mom and…

My Disease Before Al-Anon, I knew little outside of grief. My relationship with the addicted members of my family had transformed from frustration to obsession. Without realizing it, I had built a prison in my mind, where I was convinced that I was trapped and nothing would ever change. My mother, who has been in the program for 30 years, listened to me complain, even as it ate into our time together. Finally, she said, “You sound like an addict.”…

From Quicksand to Peace Many years ago, I heard in a meeting, “You don’t have to go to every fight you’re invited to.” As a visual person, I always pictured a fancy invitation offered to me on a silver platter. Some days, I decline gracefully; other days, I scoop it up and react without thinking. Recently, when I was thinking about and praying for assistance from my Higher Power not to react or respond, a different visual came to mind.…

Letting Go Saved Us Both Years ago, I walked into Al-Anon. I had exhausted all my ideas and energy trying to defeat my husband’s alcoholism, which I considered a weakness of character. I tried to keep it a secret within our four walls. I lost courage when, to my chagrin, he publicly displayed uncontrolled drunken behavior. My daughter, a medical student, mentioned that if I needed help, I could find it in Al-Anon meetings. I hesitated, and the waiting period…

Courage to See the Good Some days, all I notice in my partner are the things that drive me crazy, even though he is sober. My nerves are on edge. It feels like the same tension repeating over and over. How do I interrupt this negative cycle? It’s simple: I “Let It Begin with Me,” even though it feels awkward. I make a conscious effort to see and acknowledge something good in my husband. I look him in the eyes,…

An Open Heart and Mind When I first came to Al‑Anon many, many years ago, I did not understand what the program was about. I felt a small sense of peace, but I ran away, which was typical of me, and I did not return for several years. When I returned about two years ago, my heart felt ready to receive the program, and I was desperate. I have learned so much about myself, it’s unbelievable. Much of it I…

From Pain to Purpose When I first came to Al‑Anon, I had no idea how profoundly my life would change. Five years into the program, I lost my husband to alcoholism. Along with the pain of bereavement came a deep fear that I might no longer belong in the Al‑Anon rooms, which had become my safe haven. However, I was wrong! The love of my Sponsor and fellow members remained steadfast. They let me cry and grieve, then gently welcomed…