Joy : Looking in the mirror.
It is a great joy for me today to see all of you in such a cheerful mood at this event of the anniversary of “Muskan” Alanon Family Group in Patel Nagar.
During the peak time of alcoholism in my life, I used to enjoy little things that required very little or even no money. In the evening after coming from the office I used to take my two children to play in the park. Before going out, when I changed my daughter’s dress in the evening, she used to be very happy wearing her favourite dress. She used to admire herself in the mirror and she was so happy that she sung songs and danced. This used to happen almost every day. I used to sit on my bed and enjoyed watching her. And this process has continued till now.
Today she is a young married woman aged 32 years. She is sill using the same source of happiness today. A few days ago she came to my house. I shopped and bought her two dresses. She tried both the dresses in my bed room before the same large mirror and she was so delighted to see herself in both the dresses that she sung songs and danced twice in both the dresses and I was sitting on my bed enjoying seeing her dancing.
A few years ago I too stood in before the mirror and started admiring myself. I also enjoyed looking at myself and singing songs and dancing. So in the absence of my daughter because she is married, it is now I who is doing what she used to do; I still enjoy seeing myself at the age of 60+ in the mirror like my daughter.
I would also like to share another experience that I had where the mirror played a very important role. I remember two incidents when I was very angry with my alcoholic and I also remember the dialogue I had with my alcoholic before my children. I spoke the same dialogue full of anger before the mirror. I was horrified to see my face. I looked so fearful when I was in this phase of anger. Up until now I never realized how anger changed the way I looked. Now only I could imagine how I used to horrify my alcoholic as well as my children when I was in a spell of anger and frustration. I do not like this picture of mine at all. After that realization I started to act in a different way.
Today everything is okay at home. Now I am very happy and have become a more cheerful person with a good relationship with my alcoholic and my children. I give a very sweet and cheerful smile and I look at myself in the mirror and see the most beautiful and sweet woman. I am happy to see myself so beautiful in my old age. While in my childhood and young age when I had negative thinking then I was really ugly.